New York Narrative

Dear New York City,

You’re a bit cold today. No, not distant. Cold, temperature wise. Yeah I know, I’m in for a lot colder weather. I know. I’ve experienced it before. I’m from the mid-west. I know cold. I’ve lived in Holland through the winter. I know cold.

Look, we’ve been together for almost 4 months now and we appear to be pretty compatible. It’s not a rebound thing, this has been confirmed. Yes, I know, I was with Los Angeles for 12 years. That’s a long time. It ate up my 20’s and early 30’s. It gave me a lot. It gave me my most favorite people in the whole world. But I wanted more. I needed change and I had an opportunity and here I am.

It’s been difficult in many ways. The first 2 months were incredibly emotional. I missed my friends so much and my independence as well. You know, I’ve been living alone for about 10 years now. I finally got a beautiful bedroom set (thanks to Donnie). It’s still mine. It’s still in LA. My friend is sleeping in and loving on it. I will have it back at some point…My beautiful sleigh bed. But for the moment I have my $80 double-decker air mattress. To be honest with you, it’s actually pretty comfortable. It’s better than the floor. Yes, the floor. I slept on the floor for 3 months. The floor is better than the street. I realize.

I digress.

You, New York City. You please me very much. I think you might like me as well. But I’m still apprehensive. I’m afraid of this chance I’m taking. I’m living rent-free until January, thanks to a little angel who found me. He found me and was kind enough to help me out of a somewhat desperate situation. Well, not that bad. I’m not a drug addict nor am I an alcoholic. It’s just that I jumped on an opportunity…I didn’t plan my move properly or with as much care as I should have. I just did it. A guy that I was romantically involved with asked me to stay awhile…said I could live with him until I got on my feet and well, without going in to details, that didn’t last too long. And here comes this angel with the attempt to save me and I don’t even have to fuck him. I hate to be harsh but you know as well as I do that NOTHING is free in this town. Nothing is free in this world.
I am a lucky woman.

Yes, I’ve read “The Alchemist”. It happens to be one of my favorite books ever. And I’m also a hopeful spirit. I am a realist. I don’t have unrealistic goals. I don’t need to live a life of privileged bliss. I just want to make due. I want to eat a healthy organic diet. I want to be able to belong to the gym. I want to go out to dinner once or twice a month. I want to have a $6 glass of mulled wine at The Dove in SoHo. I don’t need designer clothes, just some nice, clean, attractive outfits. I want to buy shoes that are good for my back and knees. I want to be healthy. Do you think I can have this while we’re together?

I don’t and never will take you for granted. You give me so much, really you do. I love the people who gravitate to your energy. I love that the corner of Bleeker and Broadway smells like fresh bread. I think it’s the smell of oven-baked pizza. I love the hot almonds that I can buy on the street. I love your street performances. I love the writers and hopeful spirits that I meet everywhere. I love your cozy café’s and indie bookstores. I love your hot pretzels. I’m really, really smitten.

You make me sad sometimes too though. I see so many people struggling here. It’s so fucking heartbreaking how much sadness is out there and what people do to make ends meet. The constant begging on the subway from desperate people. Who knows how this happens? I know that being without a home is not something that is uncommon and sometimes I’m surprised that it’s not more common. Most people are a paycheck away from being homeless. Seriously, with what the minimum wage what it is these days. I don’t know how people live the way they do. How do they survive? Then I see people so careless with their money, wasting food and such. It pisses me off.

I know I’ve made some poor financial decisions/investments and I’ve seen failure and truth be told, if I didn’t have my New York angel to help me out. I’d be forced to live with some relative or imposing on some other friend. I am imposing. It’s painful to my ego and self-esteem. I’m not a lazy person. I love to work but I’m an artist with a passion as well and I have to follow my heart. I have to find the balance. I will have to make sacrifices. I know this. Work in NYC, well I know it’s out there. I like my present job, I might even love it, but I don’t feel secure there. They let people go left and right. I don’t even know if that’s legal. There is no warning or anything. If they like you and you do a good job, you’re in. If they like you and you don’t do your job, you’re out. I do my best, I really do. I’m kind to our guests, even the rude ones. I attempt to sell the Chef’s specials. I show up on time and I’m respectful to my co-workers yet, I feel like I’m on eggshells there.

I had a job interview yesterday. (Afterwards the manager said, “We’ll call you if we’re interested.” Of course you will call me IF you’re interested. It’s just like dating. I know.) I’m looking for more work. I had to submit a headshot and a resume. Yes, it’s really like that. Restaurants want to hire attractive people. I’m an average woman. Average looks. Average body. I do smile a lot and I can be very charming but what will that get me. I have a good attitude when I’m well rested.

Oh New York, I didn’t realize how much time has passed. I’m presently writing a musical. You inspire me so…perhaps you might even support my musical. Perhaps someday you will find it on Broadway. You never know. Stranger things have happened.

I can see your Empire State Building Lights from where I am. They’re autum colors. Yellow and Red. I love that.

Sweet dreams.

~girlwhosgonnamakeit